I'm drive I can fine osifer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
