He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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