Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
