My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
