That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
