Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
