just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
