Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
