my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
