i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
