Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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