You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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