how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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