yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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