My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
