I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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