I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
