I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
