It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
