Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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