Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
