there's paper in my vomit.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
