She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
