we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I believe in your delicious
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
