Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
