If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Help. Why am I so naked?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
