Heybabeimwearingurpanties
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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