it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
