Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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