Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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