Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
