possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
