Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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