White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
