Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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