Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Farmville is her only friend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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