dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
