Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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