Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
