i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
