It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
