I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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