just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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