guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
