You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
