i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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