ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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