hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
