Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
