just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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