Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
